Getting older, one day a year

Once a year, a day comes around that makes me feel old. It makes me feel like life is passing by too quickly. It makes me realize that I need to cherish every moment that I have with my kids. It has a way of changing my life, even if only for a day or two. There are two other days throughout the year that make me feel similarly, but not as much so as this one does.

By now, you may be wondering what day it is. What day is it that makes me have such strong feelings about life and how fleeting it is. No, it's not my birthday. It's not the anniversary of a loved one's death. It's not even an official holiday. It's the day I became a mother.

Motherhood is such an important job filled with responsibility and stress. It is also one that comes with new joys and pains that you will never experience until you are a mother. To have all of these overwhelming feelings all at once at the young age of 19 is indescribable. Only since I've had Jayci at a mature age (and on purpose) have I realized all of this. I knew it was important to be a mother and that it is beneficial to children to have their mother at home raising them, but I never came to the realization that it is so much deeper than that.

It means kissing owies and looking both ways before you cross the street. It means holding hands even when your hand is already sweaty and the hand you're holding is covered in sticky popsicle juice and dirt. It means giving up the last bit of dinner for a kid who's still hungry even though you are too. It means watching the Disney Channel every day, even though you'd rather be watching Days of Our Lives.

It means cleaning barf off of the floor because he didn't make it to the bathroom in time. It means looking through the barf to see what may have made him sick. It means staying up all night and keeping a cool cloth on a fevered child. It means listening to the horrid sound of tooth root ripping from the gums of a child who is screaming at the top of her lungs because she doesn't want the loose tooth to come out of her mouth quite yet.

It means laying your life on the line at a moment's notice. It means sacrificing whatever it takes to make sure your child's life is better than your own. It means giving up your dreams to make sure your child can pursue their own. There is no better sacrifice...or reward than being a mother (or a parent).

The day Halle was born, my life changed FOREVER. On the August 22, 1998 Halle was born in American Fork, UT. She weighed 7 pounds 6 ounces. She was born at 9:53 pm. She had black hair and was absolutely beautiful. I have never loved anyone so quickly or so easily. As she turns 9 this Wednesday, I always think about how quickly the time has gone by and how much my life has changed since then. I went from being an immature girl to being a woman (not quite mature, but I'm working on it). That tiny little baby meant that my life would never consist of winning a Grammy or being on Broadway. That tiny little baby meant that I would always love my life, no matter how bad it got.

Halle's birthday also makes me realize how old I am. It's not the number that I turn on my birthday, it's the number that she turns on her birthday. It's almost like it's my birthday because it's the day that my new, real life began.

Every sacrifice I've had to make has been worth it. Every stretchmark I got has been worth it. I would do anything for my kids. I would go to the ends of the Earth to make sure that they are happy. I would die for them. They are the only people that I can honestly say that about. I hope that I can be a good mother and always make sure my children know how much I love them and care for them.